JOHN HUANG #1 FAN CLUB

chapter7-in love

2008-05-12T19:42:00.001-07:00

CHAPTER 7-IN LOVE<33

Today, maths class. How boring! But, there's a special guest,is grading Loaw. Today is the moment of truth, whether Loaw can continue being a teacher.
Will she pass? NO. Will she fail? YES.
"her attitude today is so different!" said JohnHuang. He continued, "She looked like a...a...a INNOCENT LITTLE KITTEN!!!!!! SO CUTEEEEE!!!!!!! I love her that way!!!" JohnHuang's eyes sparkled like jewels under sunlight as her gazed lovingly at Loaw. AWWW.... She is so pretty...NOT.
HAHA.M08105 had seized that chance. ince she's now acting nice, lets all play along too...AND BE THE WORST OF OURSELVES!!!! MUAHAAHAHA...
Nvm. Back to John. He was totally love struck. "Loaw + John = LOVE<33" style="color:#993399;">John <3>" to JohnHuang's eyes.
OMG. Loaw suddenly swung her head over, with a strong odour coming from her, which John apparently thought of it as aroma. She said, "Johny Kho."
JohnHuang's heart sank immediately. He had always wanted Loaw to call him "Johny Huang". He felt so depressed. His eyes watered. His heart shattered into a million pieces.
"Is everyone clear now?" Loaw said.
"NO! Why must you call Jon as Johny Kho...Why don't you call me as Johny Huang? Why? WHY?"
Loaw was startled. She never knew about JohnHuang's true feelings towards her. She pitied him. "Aww...Don't be sad..."
"What are u oin Loaw? I'm going to fail you! Don't you know how to differenciate between work and relationship?" Pro An reprimanded.
Loaw got a great shock. She had clear forgotten about Pro An being in the class.
"I'm sorry! I...I..."
"It's not her fault! It's mine..." JohnHuang said.
The class>>>AWWW.How touchy! Acouple made in heaven! Bless them! Such cute love birds!
In the end, Pro An failed Loaw. She cried. JohnHuang also cried. Then they hug each other IN CLASS."Johny Huangie my sweet honeyyyy!!!" "Loawie Loawie my sweetieeee!!!" Once again the class>>>AWWW<33>!
Suddenly...PRAAAK<KISS. *MUAKS* Then...there...was...the...smell...of...foooooddd......John Huang ran out of the classroom with a dreamy look.
"Johny Huangie Honey don't leave me!" Loaw screamed. JohnHuang stopped and waited for Loaw to catch up and the two lovers headed towards the canteen together.

But there was one problem. The canteen was only big enough for either one of them to go in at any one point of time..........

Chap6

2008-05-04T09:06:00.000-07:00

CHAPTER 5 MUSIC WEEK EDITION
John Huang was feeling good… babababababao… he hummed as he tapped his way to school, which his tap = BOOM!It was M.A.D day, music awareness day. John Huang was getting his music feel. He found 10 seats empty in the audi and sat down, with his fats overflowing to the other 15 seats across.The music started and John Huang was so inspired, after hearing the song, “the elephant”. He felt that he was part of the song, like the song. He suddenly saw importance in music and he found that he was benefited with his fats. They could vibrate too, like the strings on violins and guitars…He ran on the stage, which collapsed upon his first step. He snatched the flute away and blew it. It was too loud, ear-shattering and its pitch was totally out. Everyone covered their ears, it was totally NOT music. The flute suddenly burst, due to the over blowing of the air stored in John Huang.He felt so proud of his achievement, being able to blow a flute, not realizing how horrid it was.Never mind. He proceeded for the music ambassador’s pledge, though nobody invited him. GATECRASHER!!! He squeezed in and not realizing bumped everyone down. He recited the pledge.“I, the music ambassador,Pledge to love musicBut I still love FOOD more.I will strive to look for better food.And, I will compose disastrous music,That can endanger lives.Many may die due to my music,But I will still striveLOVE MUSIC AND FOOD FOR LIFE!!!”“Food…musik…I LOVE THEM!” and John Huang started “singing” OMG!!! The whole audi crumbled. Everyone was injured, but not John Huang cuz he had a 5m of layered fats and oils to protect him (remember, he has a phospholipid TRILAYER for his cell membrane).1 min later, “IM soooooooooo hungry sia… eat wad lehhs…?” (actually John Huang just ate $3500 worth of food. And it is not ex and small portion type, but is cheap and GIGANTIC portion type.) anyway… John Huang went to the canteen to get more food. “DAMN!!! NO MONEY SIA!!!” John Huang went to ms loaw to get some money from her. But she oso no $$$. So he go outside singing like beggar wan $$$ liddat.“LALALA…” ‘good’ and lucky ones throw a few $$$ den run away and survive. Not lucky ones faint. One person even died.Suddenly, after using the money to buy food, John Huang got an inspiration.SONGS OF FOOD. And here it goes:“MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH”I am fatI like thatI eat every day and nightI see foodThen I droolI LOVE FOODDo you know how nice is food?Char Kua Teow is still the best.Laksa also not that badWhatever foodJust is foodIt is good!I LOVE FOOD (x2)Hear me munch on all my food.If you can’t finish your food,GIVE TO ME!!!Food for life!!!Food food food!!!I love food and I love foodI LOVE FOOD!!!MAD day was over. And one great composition done. John Huang sang it repeatedly and ate some bread as he left for home.

2008-05-04T09:04:00.000-07:00

Chapter 4—APRIL FOOL'S SPECIAL—John Huang on April FoolsApril fools.
John Huang was ready to prank someone. He thought hard. Why don’t I prank the wheeeeeee? What should I prank?He was so troubled, he started gobbling down all the food to 抑制情绪。Munching his 1000th chicken in a tiny bite, he arrived at the classroom, where Jazlene has locked and nobody was inside to unlock.He thought, this is my chance to show off my true talents and he tried climbing through the window. However, he got stuck even before his forehead got in (it isn’t because he’s smart, it’s because he’s a hollow-headed fool) “WTF!” “I’m stuck!” LOL everyone laughed. “OMG! I wanna eat. Someone push me out!!!” The whole class started LOLLING away. After what seemed like eternity to John Huang, the security guards finally came.But before the security guards could even help him cut away some fats to get out of this mess, “CRASH!!!” John Huang broke all the windows. At least he didn’t break the wall below the windows.Finally, everyone could go to class. Someone switched on the fans and…“INSECTS!!!” John Huang hopped around. The floor below him gave way and “CRASH” there was a gigantic hole for five floors and at level one there was a gigantic hole the John Huang was ‘bouncing’ on.He bounced up and down continuously, bouncing his way to the canteen. He felt so hungry, he was STARVING!!!So somebody, who was obviously SO kind, gave him a can of chocolates, milk chocolates. He practically d r o o l e d at the sight of it! He snatched the can over and shook it. NO SOUND!!! But he was too hungry to bother. Even if it was empty, he could at least SMELL it to satisfy his stomach for 1/60s.He opened it and BOOM!!! The springy thingy bounced out and smashed into his “food-face”. Still, he did not get the joke of April’s Fool. He took the empty box and liked it. Hello? There is nothing inside… was it a prank? He didn’t care, he just ate air.Going back to class, suddenly, a “great” fart sound boomed across the fifth floor. It was produced chemically by none other than our John Huang. He was startled it must have been due to the over consumption of air. He did not realise at all the whoopee cushion he sat on.He stood up, waiting to fill his stomach which was once with air but now empty. He turned and looked on his chair. OMG!!! A pile of dung!The class went paralysed. John Huang shitted? He was so embarrassed that he blushed (actually no difference as his fats are too thick, blocking the reddish colour). Everyone burst into laughter. John Huang actually fell for that!Suddenly, WHEEE stepped in. Everyone said “Good……” then they all froze in mid-air, all except John Huang. The WHEE and John Huang were shocked. Why did everyone freeze? Did time stop?Somebody burst out giggling and screamed, “APRIL FOOLS!” but still WHEE and John Huang were all GONG and did not get it at all.Then the “math teacher” went into the class and the whole class shouted, “YOU ARE SO PRETTY!!!” everyone had meant it as an April Fool joke… except for John Huang. He really thought she was pretty, compared to himself.Then the “teacher” said, “Whoever knows the answer to will be able to try holding something that I will show later.”No one bothered, only John Huang. He answered, “a+a=6a” And the “teacher” said, “correct!!!”(it was obviously wrong , but who cares???). John Huang attempted to hold the “thing” the jelly-ish thingy. But with his fats already so wobbly, it was impossible for him to hold the wobbly thing. So, John Huang said, “why don’t someone try holding me?”Everyone was so excited. They attempted one by one. But to no avail. His fats were too wobbly that he just slips out of their hands. And even if you are able to take it, you will never lift ‘it’. Even if it wasn’t wobbly, it was too heavy for anyone to lift it up, except for the “teacher”. There may be only 45% chance of lifting it though, because John Huang is still the record holder of the heaviest guy of the past, present and future.

I AM JOHN SONG

2008-04-03T06:10:00.000-07:00

I AM JOHN-
to be sung to the tune of “I am cow”

I am John ,
Hear me fart ,
I weigh thrice as much as you ,
And I look good eating lots of food ---

Chicken wing and char kway teow,
Butter and all chocolates,
I am John ,
I am John,
Hear me fart!

I am John, eating shit,
Methane gas comes out in pints ,
And out my muzzle when I belch ----

Oh the ozone layer is thinner ,
From the outcome of my dinner ,
I am John,
I am John,
I've got gas.

I am John, here I bounce,
Fats spread out on ‘soft’ cement ,
And parts of me is everywhere -------

From the classroom to toilets ,
You can squeeze my fats with thongs ,
I am John,
I am John,
I am John,
I am John,
I am John,
I am John!!!!!!!!

JOHN HUANG'S LIFE 'OVA' 1 (a short story with little relationship to the main)

2008-04-02T05:25:00.000-07:00

It was in the year 2100. Russian Ultranationalists and German Nazi Forces attacked the allied countries. Within days, they liberated France(again...) and Southern US. Singapore was their next target. Many boys and men were drafted into the SAF and hastily trained. This story is dedicated to the screwed up Pvt. John Huang Chi Ying."Okay guys! Rule 1, you are no good to me dead. Rule 2, ah, what diff will it make, you will probably all die," said Sgt Griggs as he clamboured aboard the transport vehicle. Pvt. John laughed and whispered to his aide, "That sure was inspiring.""You want inspiration fatso? Read a poem."Just as the vehicle was about to set off, all of the tyres exploded. Sgt. Griggs swore and stared at Pvt. Huang as he hastily stuffed a sweet potato into his mouth."Get off now.""Sure."And he farted, blowing up the vehicle along with his buddy
Chapter 2: Operation Totalize.Pvt. Huang was at the trenches with the Singapore-made M249 machine gun firing at friendlies. Just as he was loading in a fresh clip, something nice-smelling wafted into his nose. He drooled madly and caused a flood, killing off 90% of the SAF soldiers. He lumbered off and disappeared into the pantry.Sgt. Griggs (only one who survived)was returning enemy fire when he say LCP. Wilson waving a white flag."Wilson! What u doing there?""Sgt.! Pvt. Huang has eaten up the rations that was suppose to last us three weeks! He also drank up all the morphine, mistaking it for fruit juice! We have to surrender!"Griggs swore and rushed into the pantry, just in time to see Pvt. Huang stuffing the last few sweet potatoes into his face."What the...oh no..."He was standing right next to a lit fire leading to a hell lot of C4 (dynamite). Huang spun around and grinned sheeplishly. Suddenly, his face turned screwed up and he farted. It was so loud and so damn stinky that even before the C4 exploded, Griggs was killed as the smell overode his entire nervous system.Good luck, SAF soldiers, I says as the C4 went 'bang'.
Chapter 3: Sentosa"Guys! We win this, we can get an advantage. Team 1 will follow me, Cpt. Brie through the undergrowth and into Jurong. 2 will follow S.Sgt. Lance over the canal and into Pioneer Primary School. Huang! You take point!"John nodded and ran over the canal. Something trembled. There was a 'pop' and the screws holding the drain water in burst out. All the soldiers behind John gaped at the incoming tsunami. Within minutes, all were swept away and drowned.John spun around and frowned."Where's everyone?"He shrugged and continued up the road. That was when he tripped and fell, causing a massive earthquake.Meanwhile, Brie was owning the enemy when a huge chasm appeared and swallowed up everyone. The last thing Brie thought was 'Damn the fatso'
Chapter 4: OWNED!Ten days later, the Russians and Germans were forced to retreat. Why? Cos all the citizens and soldiers were killed by John Huang. Singapore was demolished and they had nothing to conquer. Unknown to them, Huang was at their base, snoring away next to a hell lot of C4 again. He grunted and passed gas.*guess what happens*
Written by CommandDeath

CHAPTER 3

2008-04-02T04:01:00.000-07:00

Earth was dying. Really dying. It all started after the whole world ran out of food. People everywhere (including Singapore) were suffering earthquakes every minute and second. Buildings were crushed and no one could live in peace. The condition was much, much worse than war.
"MONSTER ALERT! MONSTER ALERT!" screams warning others about the monster's arrival could be heard EVERYWHERE, because the monster was EVERYWHERE. It was the monster which had depleted all the food on earth. "YUMMY," a voice from above was heard. It was the monster. It was eating its own gigantic toilet bowl.The monster then had no place to SHIT. Then the monster went to his wife (as mentioned in chapter 2) to complain about not buying extra toilet bowls. Since his wife was a teacher, she was damn rich and bought manymanymanymany toilet bowls for him to shit in and then eat them up…Then, because of the hard toilet bowl material, the monster was unable to digest it. He went to the doctor and the surgeons have decided to take the toilet bowls out by surgery. This time, they were smarter. They used a laser beam powered by lightning. However hard they tried, the laser did not even cut the fat layers. Instead because of the oil, the laser beam got deflected onto a prism which shot everything in the world (except the people who were at home. Many people died. Now, the monster looked around, and as he saw a bottle of acid (and because he was greedy), he drank it. Finally digested, the toilet bowls turned into its gaseous state and made him bloated. People who were smart had their oxygen tanks on. People who were stupid had their clothespins on.The damn monster FARTED!!! OMG!!! How deadly… it corrupted the news by sending false CH4 molecules (methane, the smelly gas that comes out of your butt) onto the radio waves and made false programmes. All the TVs went “puuuuuuttttttt!!!!!” and showed R21 butt scenes of the monster. Then the radios all went “plopplopbappppppppuuuuuuuttttttttpiackkkkk!” (sound shit makes when it lands in water). All survivors laughed till they died of laughing and severe stomachache.All except for the monster itself. It couldn't even hear even though it was all over the place and all the radios went “plopplopbappppppppuuuuuuuttttttttpiackkkkk!”. That was because of his over-thickened blubber. It is the same concept as why he couldn't feel the vibrations of his phone ringing (why he couldn't feel, not why his fingers were so fat that he couldn't take the phone out of his pocket) "FOOD PLATE! I WANT MORE FOOD PLATES!" (yes, toiliet bowls are its food plates and its contents are its food) the monster bellowed to its wife."oh okay... i'll find one for you." the wife replied, and went on to bash through the doors of those who did not survive (which were many), in the search for another toilet bowl

CHAPTER 2

2008-04-02T03:58:00.000-07:00

ENJOY!! =DD

One day, 105 went to their classroom and realised that there was alot more s p a c e than before. Something was very weird but no one knew why. Finally, it was break. Everyone rushed down to the canteen to have lunch but was disappointed that it had RUN OUT OF STOCK.Then, a huge shadow cast down on everyone.It was horrifying. It was as though the shy had turned gloomy. We all knew doom was ahead...
Suddenly, looking up, something flashed across. I could only make out what it was after moments. It read, "ALERT! WARNING! A huge figure has been spotted!"
Everyone was paralyzed. Who knows what he, or it wants to do next...
BOOM! BOOM!
The earth shook as the figure took a single step. I saw it, or him, or whatever it is. Bread crumbs dropped on the ground. He bent down. "ROAR." there was a thundering sound. He reached his thick fingers out to take the crumbs up and... ATE it. However, in the process, while bending down, he lost his balance and tumbled to the ground.
A great hole formed on the ground with him stuck in it. WHOA. He's stuck! He struggled but his attempts were wasted. Everyone knowing that he was stuck were relieved. We took a small step forward. and another step... and another.
A girl (unknown) stepped on him. She bounced up and down. His fats wobbled, but he did not seem to be in pain. Due to his great insulation of fats and oil.
Soon, everyone was having fun jumping on him, with him stuck in that hole, still GOBBLING down his bread, as if nothing weird was happening. A little kid who so happened to be walking by that very moment saw it, and shouted, "BOUNCEY CASTLE!!" and joined in the crowd. Soon, many other kids had already started jumping on it.
A nurse saw the crowd at the bouncey castle and went to the canteen to check it out. She saw that it wasn't a bouncey castle, but actually a JOHN HUANG-ed human being. (John huang is a disease that causes severe obesity.) She then told the JOHN HUANG-ed human, "You are suffering from JOHN HUANG! I MUST take a blood sample."
So the nurse injected the needle as far deep as she could. Unfortunately, the bouncey castle was way too thick to inject through. So she decided to slice off a few layers of fats first, then take his blood sample. She cut off 1,000 layers of fat (and this was relatively few) , injected the needle, and drew out a "blood sample". To her surprise, it wasn't red, but rather, it was a yellow and rather transluscent liquid (more scientific term: OIL)
Soon, the population of the whole world was on it. But it didn't even hurt the JOHN HUANG-ed human. After 24 hours of continuous jumping, the bouncey castle burst, and all of the poor soul's insides rushed out, drenching everyone in a mixture of slime, digestive acids, and

JOHN HUANG LIFE STORY CHAPTER ONE

2008-04-02T03:52:00.000-07:00

one fridae afternoon after 1st break, everyone was listening to da dammass borin teacher tok.no.sry.rite wrong.they were actualy sleepin.all except 4 one person____"U NOE HU"(btw if u don noe den...haiz....too bad >.<) soooo anywayzzzzz."U NOE HU" was starin at the screen, eyes gleamin and shinin BRIGHTLY.tounge oso stick out.like wan to EAT MANN dat ype of expression(cu there was loads of FFOOODD on da screen).ok anyway back to da story."U NOE HU" started drooling like MAD.omg u shld have seen how da saliva come put.YUCK MANN!!!!and so, after abount 5min or so, da cls room was flooded to an average person's knee length in drool.sick.then,everyone wake up.'dang it!drool!!!' gawd u cant imagine...yupp.so.then they all clime up to their tablesto get away from the flood of DROOL.but, "U NOE HU" was still sitting in a daze at the screen that had the word 'food' on t and some veri delicious lookin pics.he wonders....could he be included in a new club called 'the greedy guys' and join them as greedy guy no.3 . but so sad(for "U NOE HU")they did not accept him and he went to canteen and flood there oso to slightly higher than ankle length.
"food nutrition" bcuz of the word NUTRITION,he wasnt accepted as greedy guy no.3 . he OBVIOUSLY had a "GREAT"ly balanced dietto end up with a figure like his.this guy here is oso commonly known as JOHN HUANG,the inabomble eating machine.

so then, afew yrs later john huang found a very very suitable WIFE.this wife is supersuperduper fatt and was once his teacher.she is so fat that she occupies almost the whole classroom spaces that she taught in.a long time ago,GST also used to sit in the back of the clas when this supersuperduper fatt woman taugh.but bcuz her BUTT WAS TOO BIG and when she LEAKED GAS, mann it was a killer...

okay nowenough baout john huang before and hear about johnn huang AFTER marrying the supersuperduper fatt wife.

now,one day, WWIII erupted.john was drafted into the SAF. BUT hust as he was almost about to be promoted to Private,he farted next to a smoking person and THE CAMP BLEW UP INTO SCRAPS.however there were a lucky foursome hu managed to survive that.....explosion......they were then sent to sentosa.

and now,to learn da rules:

rule #1:"remember!u ppl are no good to me dead except for u! Private Huang!!!"yelled SMG
Jetton
______And an old woman rocked back as John starred into the picture.

rule #2:there is nospace for john huang!!!!!
______And the humans flickered for a momnt and disappeared.

~~~~~~the crickets are calling "yiee!yiee!yiee!" omg john huang is creaping out.his blood went cold and even his ever so great insulations of "fats and oil" turned icy......

♥

2008-04-01T08:07:00.000-07:00

***ADVERTISEMENT***

From the short summary or CHAPTER 1 and 2 or the "LIFE STORIES OF JOHN HUANG", if you are interested to purchase one or some to share with others, you can buy them at level 5 of NUS HIGH sch of math and science, block E, the last cls all the way to the back.

You can also make a pre-order if you are purchasing 5 books or more.There are also books on "JOKES OF JOHN HUANG", "FOOD INFORMATION FROM JOHN HUANG" and many other books with related topics. Pricing of the books are not fixed at the moment.

Pls come to our cls in person to find out more or to SQUEEZE with us, in the cls while viewing the life specimen of JOHN HUANG.Before arriving, pls be prepared for the worst.THx.

The books may only be ready at THE END OF THE YR(LOL) or may never be ready as the word "LIFE" suggests, it is never ending.

You all are encouraged to join in the fun and chip in on the writing of each chapter by writing something on the fullscap that would be passed around as usual.

Pls try not to end the stories immediately as we would not be able to continue then.You can also submit your own version of JOHN HUANG"S stories and submit for publication on the blog.

Your reward will be to see JOHN HUANG in person.Jokes of JOHN?" can also be submitted too or even information(pls dun submit those long and chunky ones) on FOOD!!!" can be submmitted.

For the FOOD!!!" one, JOHN HUANG in person would screen through the info.s and help edit some as he is greatly experienced in FOOD.

Thank you.

- Member of John Huang Publication Society (JHPC)

a.k.a.

The #1 JOHN HUANG FAN CLUB(JHFC)

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The JOHN HUANG FOOD CHARITY

please donate generously.

Contact us. -

• Tel: 1800-112-8888 • Mobile: 999 •

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2008-04-01T05:49:00.000-07:00

sorry guys.the tagboard for this pag is not workin.when i add it....disaster.so the black one u see is a shared one with 105 class blogg.sz.ill try to get it done as fast as possible =P

2008-04-01T00:43:00.000-07:00

OKAE THIS FAN CLUB BLOGG IS OFFICIALLY OPEN!!!